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Taking Personality Styles to the Next Level

Original Post - Improve Business Communication - Here

by Larry and Rebecca Lacy

“No one would talk much in society if they knew how often they misunderstand others.”
–Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

In the previous article we introduced personality styles and the impact that they can have on communication. While one may not realize it, this force has a great deal of impact on our daily interactions. Sometimes the affects are positive, and other times they are not. With better understanding, we can insure that they are more often positive.

Have you ever met someone, and felt as though the interaction was somehow “off”? You may not be able to explain why, but you know that your usual charming self just did not connect with the other person. There must be something wrong with the other person, right?

Well, not exactly. A wise person once said that it is easier to change oneself rather than trying to change another person. What does that mean in the context of personality styles? Unless you encounter someone else who understands the role of style in communication, you can expect people to cling to what is comfortable and normal for them.

However, you, armed with knowledge of style, can exhibit a much greater degree of versatility. Is this manipulative? Absolutely, but one could also say the same for any form of human relations that encourages greater understanding and better communication.

In order to utilize style as a tool for more effective communication, you first must have a basic understanding of the typical traits or preferences for each. How can you recognize different styles? There are several types of cues that can help you determine someone’s dominant style in a given situation, most people have at least two styles and the dominant style may change with different situations. The cues include verbal and non-verbal, assertiveness and emotional.

Some of the verbal cues that you can detect include the pace and volume of speech, does she speak in a monotone or is there a great deal of inflection? Does he talk about facts or tasks or opinions and people? Does he use few words or many? Some of the non-verbal cues include eye contact, the use of hands, and how relaxed or animated the person is. Does she seem reserved or does she show more emotion?

Let’s meet four people and see what their styles are:

Meet Mike. He is quick to shake hands, and exhibits a big smile. Mike uses his hands when he talks, and his body language is animated. He likes to tell stories about people that he has met, and can be quite dramatic and fun to listen to. Sometimes, though, you might feel that Mike is not hearing you, as though he is thinking of something else. From this information, you can guess that Mike’s dominant style is “expressive.” If you are going to work with him, it is important to know that he may be impulsive, and not very interested in a lot of detail. On the flip side, he is excellent at envisioning the future, and can be very persuasive. Mike does not like conflict, and may hide his feelings to avoid it. He is also the natural-born actor, able to take on any style that is needed in a given situation.

The next person we will meet is Amanda. She is quiet and seems very warm and welcoming. You get the feeling that she is genuinely happy to meet you as she listens to you intently, but she may not feel comfortable making eye contact. Amanda speaks softly, and you can read the emotion in her face. From this you can gather that she is an “amiable.” She brings harmony to any group because, like Mike, she does not like conflict, and will go to great lengths to avoid it. If Amanda is pushed too hard she is likely to go passive, which causes frustration in more assertive individuals.

Next, meet Tanya. You can tell from the first handshake that she is a confident, take-charge woman. When she speaks, Tanya uses her hands, but her voice is not highly animated. She is comfortable making direct eye contact with you, and she tends to be assertive in her speech, and focuses on tasks and events rather than people and feelings. You might notice that she gets impatient if the discussion gets off topic. Tanya is clearly a “driver.” If you will be working with Tanya, know that she can easily intimidate some individuals with her directness. On the other hand, Tanya can be an inspiring leader if she takes into consideration the style of others. She likes options, and does not want to be burdened with too many details.

The last person that we are going to meet is Aaron. He may seem a bit aloof to you because of his controlled emotions. Aaron tends to speak with little inflection or animation. His discussions are focused on tasks and facts versus relationships or opinions. Aaron thrives on details and is happy to share them. His seemingly methodical processes can be frustrating to folks such as Tanya and Mike. From this, you can gather that Aaron is an “analytic.” If you are going to work with Aaron, it is important for you to know that he will not make hasty decisions. Thus, to make the relationship most productive, provide the information that he requires. Like Tanya, some may find Aaron unapproachable or intimidating. Also like Tanya, this is only the exterior features that people may use to judge him. Aaron is a great asset to a team because he will live up to obligations, and will provide the information needed to succeed.

From this overview, it is easy to see how every team needs a mix of styles. Style is one more element of diversity that can help a team to excel. However, like other forms of diversity, style does not dictate who a person is, and should not be used to pigeonhole an individual. You will meet two people with identical styles, but who are entirely different in terms of other personality factors. Style is only a tool to help you understand some basic communication preferences typical of each, and which will help you be more versatile in your interactions.

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