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Seven Steps This Mediator Uses to Resolve Conflict

(Also check out this 5 step process from IQI Strategic Management based upon Business Life Lessons)

by Jeff Krivis

Conflict happens. It happens in all areas of business. Disputes can arise between employees, between business partners, between a company and a client. And if such issues are not settled, bad things can happen. Good people quit. Profitable relationships dissolve. Great companies go under. This has always been true, of course. In a global economy, the implications of conflict are more profound than ever before.

In a world where relationships matter more than ever, mediation skills matter more than ever. Companies can locate anywhere. People can work anywhere. Clients can stay with you or go with a competitor halfway around the globe. So whether you manage employees or clients or both, it’s critical to learn the art of bringing harmony out of conflict.

Here are seven insights and tricks of the trade I suggest you use:

Let people tell their story. When a person is deeply upset about something, he really needs to get his story out. This is a basic principle of mediation, and one that’s important to remember when trying to resolve a conflict with an angry employee, client, or other associate. Yes, allowing people to speak their minds can increase the level of conflict with which you must deal. That’s okay. You have to get through the conflict phase to find the solution. Feeling that he has finally “been heard” can dramatically change an angry person’s outlook. Plus, as he tells his story, new information may come to light that allows a solution to naturally emerge.

If someone refuses to budge, take the spotlight off her. Isolation tends to create movement. When you are mediating a multi-party conflict, you will often discover that there is one person who insists on taking a hard line approach. She refuses to compromise, shooting down every solution that’s presented and holding out for what she wants. My suggestion? Take the attention off the “last woman (or man) standing” and begin settling around her (or him). It’s amazing how well the isolation technique works. You’ll find that the holdout starts to anxiously call and send emails, trying to get things going again. When her perceived power is neutralized, she quickly sees the value of compromise.

When someone seems “locked up,” dig for the emotion behind the stone face. I recently mediated a situation in which a famous television producer was on the verge of being sued for plagiarism. Essentially, the plaintiff claimed that the producer had “stolen” his idea for a successful situation comedy TV show. When anyone talked to him about his case, he gave short, robotic answers and showed no emotion. So I asked the plaintiff, “What is it you really want to achieve here?” The plaintiff almost broke down. He said, “I never wanted to bring this case in the first place. I just want to break into television.” So I returned to the producer and said, “Is there any way you can help this guy out?” And the producer said, “Sure, let me talk to him.” So I got the plaintiff an audience with this extremely well respected producer, and the producer ended up offering him a development deal. By tapping into this person’s repressed emotion, we were able to find a solution that made everyone happy.

When people are picking flyspecks out of pepper, come in with a reality check. Often in a conflict, the various parties are so focused on minutiae that they lose sight of the big picture and all its implications. As the mediator, you need to bring people back to reality by wrenching their attention away from the grain of sand and having them focus on the whole beach. Doing so may help resolution arrive at a startling speed.

Identify the true impediment. In every conflict, ask yourself “What is the true motivating factor here? What is really keeping this person from agreeing to a solution?” When you can identify the impediment, you can predict how the person will respond to certain ideas and you can shape negotiations accordingly. I worked on a case in which a man was suing an entertainment company for wrongful termination and we just could not resolve it. Finally, I happened to ask about the man’s family and found out that one of his kids had cerebral palsy. Suddenly, it all made sense. The plaintiff had to win the lawsuit because they didn’t have medical insurance to cover the child’s very expensive treatments. So that’s what was really driving the lawsuit. Armed with that knowledge, we got the company to agree to pay the man’s insurance for five years.

Learn to “read minds.” Mind-reading is not magic. It is a combination of observation and intuition, which is born of experience. You can learn a lot about how each party sees a dispute by paying attention to body language and listening closely not only to their words, but also to the emotional tone behind their words. If you give them the opportunity, most people involved in a dispute will gladly talk about themselves, which gives you a chance to ask more questions and gain more information about their perspective. Once you see things from their point of view, you can stay one step ahead of them by anticipating how they might react and manage the negotiation accordingly.

Avoid the “winner’s curse” by carefully pacing negotiation. Believe it or not, it is possible to reach a solution too quickly. We all have an inner clock that lets us know how long a negotiation should take. When a deal seems too easy, a kind of buyer’s remorse can set in that leaves people with second thoughts about the outcome. One or both parties may be left with the feeling that if things had moved more slowly, they might have cut a better deal. Here’s the bottom line: don’t rush the dance or the negotiation will fail. Even when you know you can wrap things up quickly, it’s to everyone’s advantage to keep the negotiation proceeding normally, for a reasonable amount of time, before the inevitable settlement.

Improvisational negotiation is kind of like jazz. You have to know your chords, your scales, your patterns, your licks. But ultimately, these are building blocks, not formulas. The chords you use depend on the chords you hear from the other participants, and vice versa. It’s a conversation. It’s organic. There are no limits on what can come out of mediation, and that’s what makes it such a powerful skill.

April 21, 2007 Edition of Carnival of Career Intensity has chosen this article as one of its “best of the week” picks. You can see it and many other wonderful, inspiring and informational articles at David V. Lorenzo: Career Intensity.

Thanks to the Thinking Men for highlighting this article as one of the best reads.

Sixth Edition of the Carnival of Leadership Growth has chosen this article as one of its “best of the week” (May 1) picks. You can see it some great other articles at The Organic Leadership Blog.

Hunter Arnold at Make More of Your Job Blog had some nice comments to say about this article. Thanks.

What an honor it is for this article to be included in 800-CEO-READ Blog. Thank you Kate!

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