Business Advice Daily

Reprint and Repost Policy

by Mannie Sherberg

An anonymous wise-guy once posed this question: If people who eat only vegetables are called “vegetarians,” why are people who eat only humans called “cannibals”? Shouldn’t they be called “humanitarians”?

Weird question, but a good one. Whenever you see those five letters—a-r-i-a-n—glued to the back of a word or part of a word, you know they mean “someone who favors, advocates, supports, promotes, or believes in” whatever the word is all about. For instance, a librarian supports and promotes the use of libraries…an authoritarian believes in strong authority…a Rotarian advocates the principles of Rotary International…a veterinarian promotes the well-being of animals (veterin is Latin for “beasts of burden”)…and, of course, a vegetarian favors eating vegetables or vegetable products. So why is someone who favors eating humans called a cannibal or a head-hunter or an anthropophagite—but not a humanitarian?

The answer lies in those two little letters—i - t—stuck in the middle of the word. If you want a word for “people-eaters” that parallels “vegetarian,” that word would have to be “humanarian”—not “humanitarian.” If “humanitarian” paralleled “vegetarian,” it would mean someone who favors eating humanity. But people-eaters don’t favor eating humanity—they favor eating humans. “Humanarian” could mean “someone who favors a diet of humans,” but it’s never used that way—probably because there’s something inhuman about dining on your business partner and your next-door neighbor and your Uncle Fred.

All of which establishes the importance of the letters i - t. Put them together, and you get “it”—a word most of us treat as harshly as cannibals would treat your Uncle Fred. Remember all those “cannibal” cartoons you’ve seen over the years…the ones where some poor schlep is being boiled in a big pot just before becoming the main course for dinner? Well, for most writers, “it” is in same fix as that poor schlep. The word “it” is boiled…braised…and barbecued—it’s chopped…churned…and charbroiled—it’s fried…filleted…and fricasseed—it’s mashed…minced…and macerated—it’s shredded…simmered…and stewed—it’s…well, you get the idea. “It” is the Rodney Dangerfield of English—treated with as much respect as that cartoon character in the pot.

Let’s look at a few of the ways “‘it’ don’t get no respect”:

1. Writers often use “it” without letting their readers know what “it” means. As written crimes go, this is a major felony. Take this example: “The dog chased the squirrel and hurt its tail.” Neither you nor I nor anyone else can tell for sure what that sentence means. That’s because we have no way of knowing what “it” refers to. The squirrel’s tail? The dog’s tail? Your guess is as good as mine.

Or try this one: “She grabbed a pen and a pencil and gave it to the client.” That could mean “She grabbed a pen and a pencil and gave the pen to the client,” or it could mean “She grabbed a pen and a pencil and gave the pencil to the client.” Or maybe it’s supposed to mean “She grabbed a pen and a pencil and gave them to the client.” One thing’s for sure: As the sentence now stands, we do not—and cannot—know what “it” means.

The rule here is as ironclad as a rule in English can be: You must tell the reader what “it” refers to. Or, to put it in the language you heard in high school, you must have a clear and unmistakable antecedent for every pronoun (and “it” is a pronoun). The antecedent may be only one word, or it may be several words. For instance, in the sentence “I can’t stand it,” “it” could refer to “cauliflower” or to “meetings starting late” or to “people with more than 12 items who use the express lane at the supermarket check-out.” Whatever “it” means, the reader must be told—and must be told with absolute clarity. A vague or a missing antecedent is a sure sign of sloppy writing.

2. “It” is sometimes used when it isn’t needed at all, thereby creating awkward sentences. Here are a couple of examples: “In our company’s mission statement, it says that we’re a marketing-driven company.” “It says in the dictionary that there are three ways to spell taxpayer.” In both these sentences, the “it” is as necessary as a cannibal taking extra doses of protein. No wonder the sentences sound so lumpy. Remove the “it” and you get much more graceful sentences: “Our company’s mission statement says we’re a marketing-driven company.” “The dictionary says there are three ways to spell taxpayer.”

3. Two or more “its,” each with a different meaning, are sometimes placed near one another, thereby creating confusing sentences. Take this example: “It would be a good idea to order the X12, since it is still the best widget on the market, and it may be a year before the X13 is ready for delivery.” That’s just too many “its.” The sentence would benefit greatly if all the “its” were dropped and the sentence were split into two: “You’d do well to order the X12, which is still the best widget on the market. The X13 may not be ready for delivery for another year.”

4. The possessive form of “it” is one of the most frequently misspelled words in English. The correct spelling is “its”—without an apostrophe. Why? Because possessive pronouns—unlike possessive nouns—never take an “apostrophe” before the final “s.” His, hers, theirs, ours, yours—these are all possessive pronouns…and not one of them has an apostrophe.

None of this would matter much if it weren’t that “it” does sometimes take an “apostrophe” before the final “s.” When? When it’s a contraction (as in this sentence) of “it is.” The rule couldn’t be clearer: “It’s” means “it is”; “its” means “belonging to it.” Violate this rule, and your friends will call you an “obtuse orthographer.” Your enemies will call you a “sappy speller.”

From now on, keep these guidelines in mind:

1. When writing “it,” make sure you’ve told the reader what “it” refers to.

2. When writing “it,” make sure you haven’t created a klutzy sentence.

3. When using “it” as a contraction or possessive, make sure you’ve spelled it right.

4. When walking down the street, if you see a guy carrying a big, black pot, make sure you run like mad. Especially if he greets you as “Meathead.”

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